Grey Matters

It's possible it's me. I've been accused of being a perfectionist, having unrealistic expectations and views of life. A little part of me agrees with that. I see that I regularly get disappointed and dissatisfied with both mine and others results. But the other part of me rebels against that idea. In several aspects of my life I don't ask for much. A lot of people including Snuffy have said so. I know it myself. I just need to be above average. It's in my work that I attempt perfection; and like it or not, I (believe that I) am defined by my work- and that is how I assess everyone else. I lie on my bed in this hotel room in Port Harcourt, on yet another business trip, apprehensive of the outcome of the assignment I am about to execute. Not because it is necessarily technical or voluminous but because the clients are problematic and keep changing ideas at every possible moment , without regard to the practicability of the idea. And I can't even as much as threate...

I flew off the bed and ran to the toilet. The excruciating pain had begun again. On the toilet seat naked, I realised it was just pain, I didn't need to go. But I sat there anyway. My head in my arms, thinking and staring. He knocked on the door and came in, I jumped, startled. Caught in the act, he said, I thought you never sit and stare. I smiled. He said I'm sorry baby I know you want to be alone in this situation (laugh) but I just wanna sit with you for a minute. Are you ok?, he asks sitting on the edge of the bathtub? I nod my answer. Are you sure? Yes, why do you think I'm not? You've been asking me all night. Yes, so are you? Yes darling, I'm fine. Ok, he says and he bends down and kisses me, french kiss with my dragon breath and all. I decide I'll take a bath afterwards, and he comes in again, looks at me and says you're having a bath? Without me? I smile. Then he looks me in the eyes and says Baby, do I make you happy? Are you happy? And I am n...

Hiya All, I have to tell this story or else God might become angry with me. It was a rather funny and nice incident that occured at Easter, and just when I had given up on the individual in question. If you live in Nigeria you already know that we had a loooooong weekend last week. I was so looking forward to it because I needed sleep like mad. So on Friday I did nothing but sleep all day. On Saturday my plan was to get my house cleaned and then sleep some more. Those plans were interrupted by a phone call from my darling Snuffy. He started by accusing me of abandoning him and not taking care of him, saying he was ill and I didn't even bother to ask him how he was feeling, blah, blah, blah. I reminded him that it was possible that I had given up on him. That launched another long monologue after which he asked what my plans were and invited me to 'come out'. At first I shrugged that statement off and continued rambling on. He said it again and caught my attention. Where ...

I feel ashamed and guilty to complain about my relationship. The shame comes from the fact that I am speaking about it to strangers over and over again. (I imagine they are saying " enough already, dump the twit and let's have peace". I can't for the life of me get why I feel guilty -and it has nothing to do with me feeling that I have something to do with it- but I feel it anyway. I'm sad today, really unhappy. I wish I could say I don't know what to do... But I do. I want to go through the process of losing weight-and develop the confidence, health and happiness that comes with it. I want to move house- I'm tired of this rat-infested, dilapidated, ugly house. I want to feel like I am making a difference in my or someone else's life. I want to feel like my existence is necessary for something or important to someone. I called him this evening to invite him to accompany me to a tv show I was to appear on. Not as a guest just for moral support. He didn...

Hi Everyone, It's been a while, yeah? A lot has happened. A lot that I want to blog about, but half the time when I try to write I lose my gusto. AnywayI read something that got me a little worried. It's about smoking and you can read it on Jeremy's blogspot here. Now if you do read it, please go as far as to click on the link in that blog and see the BBC story on smoking. That is the issue today. I'm not a smoker. I really DO NOT like cigarette fumes and I'm slightly asthmatic. I understand that lung cancer and emphysema are deadly killers. So any moves to get me away from the pollution caused by cigarettes is welcome. That said, however, I have lots of friends that smoke, male and female. And I love them so much that I will hang around them even if it means falling a bit ill. That is a choice I have made BY MYSELF. Not because someone made me, or because of excessive advertising by the tobacco companies. So what I don't understand is why people wh...

I'm choking again I can't breathe It's these walls My defences, my protection My barriers. They are caving in Again. And at the time when they were only picket fences Merely demarcating my personal space. Now they mark the premises of my reluctant prison. Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

I can blog from my phone! I'm in heaven. Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN