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Showing posts from December, 2011

This Christmas

I've never approached Christmas the way I am now. With fear; even, dread, à little joy, and sadness. The reason is obvious, it's supposed to be a time to celebrate but if I counted my blessings, I cant celebrate:). Literally. It's been one of the worst years ever and I dread à new one. Yes, I know, 'thank God for life'. It's in the living that the problèm lies. But the great thing about the human spirit is its ability/desire to keep on. Regardless.

I remember

Some painful things you just block away subconsciously because your mind finds it hard to deal with. But sometimes they come flooding back. I remember when I went for the first scan for my pregnancy, I was maybe 10 or so weeks pregnant. The scan saw a gestational sac, that is the bag of water where the baby stays in the womb, but could not detect any heartbeat. The conclusion was that I had a blighted ovum. (This happens when fertilisation of the sperm and ovum actually occurs but the result does not form properly. A kind of false conception.) I was partly sad and partly relieved. I wondered if I could not have a child, and if I did anything to cause this one from developing properly. Anyway, I was sent away and asked to come for another scan in about two weeks or so (I can’t quite remember now). As God would have it, a few days later, I began bleeding. I rushed to the doctor and was sent for another scan and there they saw a healthy, happy overactive embryo, happily swimming awa...