Grey Matters

I can write these things I am about to because my blog is now protected. It's beena long time since I came here and a lot has happened. But in all that has happened I discovered, reading through my blog, that I havent changed. Now it's a good thing to be the same person you were and not be unpredictable, but when it seems you havent changed because you havent learned anything, then there is an issue. I do not know what God wants me to learn from life and what paths I need to go on. All the things that afflicted and affected me made me withdrawn for a while, but other than the fact that I do not feel the desire to please anyone anymore, my issues are still the same and worse still, my choices as well. I have been very unhappy for most of last week, primarily because of a sexual encounter I had with this guy. I have known him for about as long as I had this blog but now he is married. And we hooked up recently and I feel like I am in love with him. But we had issues when we...

These are the actual lyrics to a Beatles song. I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly. I'm crying. Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come. Corporation t-shirts, stupid bloody Tuesday. Man, you've been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long. I am the eggman (woo), they are the eggmen (woo), I am the walrus, Goo goo ga joob. Mister City P'liceman sitting Pretty little policemen in a row. See how they fly like Lucy in the Sky, see how they run. I'm crying. I'm cry, I'm crying, I'm cry. Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog's eye. Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess, Boy, you been a naughty girl and you let your knickers down. I am the eggman (woo), they are the eggmen (woo), I am the walrus, Goo goo ga joob. Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun. If the sun don't come, you get a tan from Standing in the E...

1. My hairdressers never have to repeat my hairstyles on anyone else. No one ever has the courage to carry it off. 2. Jeans are a major part of my formal attire 3. I'm attracted to guitars 4. I'm totally in touch with my inner child, but I am still definitely an adult. (Only rock stars can walk this thin line.) 5. Kids think I am cool. 6. I love to travel

This will be the last time this blog will be open to the public. It was an uneasy décision but I believe the best thing is to make this blog private. I struggled with the increasingly nagging suspicion that I had evolved beyond the woman who began this; and now I am forced to see it's true. My initial idea was to shut it down completely but I realise I still need it to see where I have comé from. My new self, I am pouring somewhere else, that location is not hidden, but so that I am not seen in the light of this one, I will not reveal it. Thank you to all who stopped by and read what some random girl had to say. Chili --

My daughter turns 2 in a few days and I thought I should do something nice for her to remember, especially as she has been seriously ill with an infection and needs à bit of cheering up. So I went to the babystore I patronise regularly to see if there was anything she would like. (How I would pay for it was à different story altogether, but I wasn't thinking about that just yet.) To cut a long story short, the lady owner told me she just got some toys and brought à large carton over to me. I picked out à toy kitchen set, complète with plastic pots, spoons, whisk, griddles and à stove! I knew my daughter would love that, and it would save us the headache of her banging our pots and pans. I also picked out an alphabet building block set that fit together like legos. I then asked her the cost and to my surprise they came to just over 2000 naira! I was overjoyed because I felt even if I didnt have any money that amount would not be hard to raise. I begged ...

From this day forward, I promise to do my utmost to nuture, honour and respect my body and myself. I will no longer deride my looks but instead encourage myself to be the way I want to be. I will engage in physical and nutritional discipline that will be the precpitator of that change. I will desist from eating things which are harmful to my health or which add no value to my nutritional goals. Most of all I will draw strength from my heavenly Father through whom I can do all things. So help me God 'chili!' --