Little Chili's Got A Boyfriend

Whenever I go to see my three year old daughter - she stays with my parents in Benin- she is always on her guard, anticipating my next move, in an attempt to ensure I do not leave her abruptly and come back to Lagos. When she was younger, I would leave when she was asleep, or while she was in school, or generally unaware. I stopped leaving so abruptly when my younger brother told me that she would be so disoriented when she woke up and/or came back and could not find me. That notwithstanding, she still worries about my departure, so much so that she sometimes wakes up late at night, checking to make sure I am still on the bed. Or if she cannot find me there, she comes to the living room searching for me, no matter the time of night. And when I drop her off at school she tries to prevent me from leaving for fear that I will travel.

This last visit home was not different, if anything it was even more turbulent. When I dropped her off at school her teacher had not arrived yet, so I sat with her and waited. While we waited, with her on my lap, we played games and identified alphabets. I noticed a certain light-skinned gentleman, who couldn't be less than 4 years old, come by, put his arms around my daughter's shoulder in a sort of hug, and call her name as he walked past. He ignored me. I asked if that was her friend and she said yes. He passed by again and repeated this ritual so I introduced myself, shook his hand and asked his name. He was called Micah (pronounced Mee-kah).

When the teacher finally came, my daughter told me that was not her teacher, just so I could stay over. When I tried to leave she began crying and tugging at me. The teacher tried to calm her down but she resisted, an older female classmate attempted to comfort her as well, but it was when Micah - this little blighter who was barely half-an-inch taller than my baby- came and carried her away that she was appeased. As he lifted her so precariously, I watched my baby go limp in his arms, and 'surrender' quietly to him. He took her to a corner of the room, pulled out a seat and sat her in it. I was free to go. I was amused and curious.

When I got home I told my mother what had occurred and she was not surprised. She knew about their friendship. Anyway, this scene was reenacted every time I dropped off my daughter, and after a few days I began to call him over to take care of her when I dropped her off.

One thing, though, my daughter is drawn to males. She plays with boys, allows men to carry her but resists women. Initially I thought it was a sign that she was a tomboy- she prefers mechanical toys and books to dolls, is very physically active and cannot tolerate the fuss of styled hair and earrings. But as she grows older, I see that she has a fascination with the opposite sex and prefers their company. (That worries me not a little bit. For one, human beings are evil, while I can leave her in the company of my father and brothers, I cannot trust their friends or the driver or other visitors. I don't even want to entertain the thought of her being violated or sexually abused - I will kill first and ask questions later if anyone dares- but the possibility looms the wider her circle, and with her adventurous and open nature. Another reason that this attraction worries me is that I was exactly like her as a child ; trusting, friendly, tomboyish and attracted to the opposite sex. And maybe due to a lack of proper guidance, I grew up still with a stupid naivete towards men and continued making mistakes I should have learnt from by now. But that will not happen to her, by God's grace.)

Anyway, one day, while we were on our way out, I asked her who her friends were in her class. Of course she mentioned Micah, in the list of names. I asked if he was her boyfriend, a private joke because she has no idea what boyfriend really means. She nodded and said ' I love Micah', with all seriousness. Hmmm.

Chili!