Yes, I Went There!

I was watching the Ellen Degeneres show a few days ago and that was the first I heard that she had married her lover, Portia De Rossi, in August, 2008 . I admire Ellen a lot. I admire her energy, her wit, her comedy, her tomboyish nature, her ignorance of her age, and her fierce sense of individuality. When Ellen first publicly declared her sexual orientation, during a sitcom she was in, several years ago, her career was almost terminated. She did not get work for 3 years! (When I heard her tell the story I wasn't surprised because I remembered how, a while back, I was asked to write a proposal for a comedy show, and I described the show as a cross between Ellen, Letterman's and Jon Stewart's show. One of the guys in charge of it said' Ellen? Is this not that lesbian? Abeg remove her name before the sponsors see it!' It did not matter that her show format was the closest to what we were trying to achieve.) Also, I keenly watched Portia in the Ally Mcbeal series, so I knew who she was (although I thought she was quite thin). When I found out that they had been seeing each other, years ago, I was a bit shocked. I knew Ellen was a lesbian but I would never had thought that about Portia; on-screen, she had this palpable, flirtatious, sexiness. I don't know if it was the character she was playing, but that attitude was there and it did not seem aimed at women. (Not that women or lesbians are not sexy or cannot exhibit sexiness... but I am getting ahead of myself.)

So Ellen spoke about her wedding on her show, and promised to show pictures after a commercial break. (This is one of the things I absolutely love about Ellen, she behaves like an everyday person and still maintains a celebrity status. While other celebs would do everything to avoid the issue of their wedding/ marriage before and after the event, Ellen gushed about it like most happy people would do. ) After the break, true to her word, the pictures and video, came. You could tell that Ellen was smitten by Portia, just by the way she kept looking at her. You know that look one partner gives the other, even when he/she is not looking, that says ' how did I ever get so lucky to have you' . (I remember seeing that look first among a newly married couple that were friends with my older cousin, the guy - it's usually guys, isn't it- would just stare at his wife with a grateful(?) smile. I swore then, that I would not marry anyone, unless he gave me that look. I still feel that way, but now 'the look' is just one of the many things on the list, but I digress.) So, the couple was shown in different situations, before they dressed up for the ceremony, while they were getting ready, during the ceremony, etc. Their parents were also on tape, speaking of how excited they were, etc. I tried to watch all this objectively, taking note of all the indications of their happiness, but on my mind there was just one question: am I the only one who can see that these two people are BOTH WOMEN?

So you know where I am going with this. I pride myself in being open-minded and modern, but I can't get my head around how two people, of the same sex, can actually, SERIOUSLY, be in a sexual relationship. I can't. I mean in theory it makes sense, especially for women, because, in that situation, your partner can relate with you on a deeper level than a member of the opposite sex, but on the long-term, physically, emotionally, practically, isn't it rather weird? I mean you can only hang out with your girlfriend for so long before it becomes annoying. And what, in heaven's name, makes you want to kiss that person, who looks and feels like you, passionately. And, even though they are able to get their parents to come round, do the parents really feel comfortable with the whole situation, especially if it is a departure from what their childhood was.... But I guess it would be the same thing with a heterosexual relationship; you can get tired of your man/woman, and the thing that holds two people together in a relationship is a series of INTANGIBLE, INVOLUNTARY, emotions. So whose to say who you should love? And in truth, when we think of gay couples, all we imagine is how they have sex, not what they feel for each other.

Gay men, I just don't get. It's so extreme, because ordinarily, men find it difficult to even hug each other, or hold another man's hand. So to go from that to kissing and having sex with another man shocks me. But you know what's funny? Gay men are usually so in touch with their feminine side that they make great friends, to women. Talk about irony.

Having said that though, I am not one of those who advocate for legislature against homosexuality. I consider it very stupid to give someone permission to find out how people are having sex, arrest them, and punish them. In my opinion giving love, whichever way it is done, is a million times better than causing trouble. And at the end of the day, what happens between two consenting adults, who are free to pursue relationships, is really their own business, isn't it? At the same time, however, I cannot understand why people cannot speak up if they don't like homosexuality. Just as a gay person can march for his/her rights, I believe an anti-gay person should also be able to express his/her opinion without being labelled or ostracized. We see so many people abroad who are trying too hard to be politically correct, they look stupid. As long as I am not harming a gay person, or calling on people to do so, I think that I can, and should be allowed to, express myself shouldn't I? Straight people are people too.


Chili!