Invectives, Malice and other matters

Hiya,

Its the beginning of another working week, and a new beginning for me, because I learnt a lot from a series of events this weekend. As I said previously, I had stayed away from work for a few days, and in that time, had attempted to catch up with my life, so to speak. Unfortunately, putting my life in perspective, in the midst of healthy home cooking (mine), and unhealthy treats, like chocolate and coca-cola, was a wee bit difficult. But thanks to providence and my penchant for over-organization I have a few stories to tell.The first of these stories is the issue of fights. Catfights betwen women. It doesn't interest me when the exchange degenerates into fisticuffs, because I think that's just bad manners, but my interest is the situation a lot of women, including myself, find themselves. The situation where we let it all out, mouth wide,arms flailing, eyes wide open, screaming invectives at each other over anything.

Now I have always admired people who can be provoked and still manage to keep their cool and walk away, but I had never been able to actually accomplish that until two incidents occured. The first was a verbal exchange between a colleague and I, which resulted in a serious warning from my overall boss (because we used swear words) , and this incident which I am about to tell you of. On Friday, one of the days I lay at home, I heard two of my neighbours arguing. (Now to understand the situation, I must describe the house to you. I live in a building that houses 4 flats; two above and two below. I live in the right flat above,if you are facing the building. The two neighbours in question live beside me, one above and one below.) My next door neighbour- the one above- has a small child of about 17 months. This notorious little rascal has several amusing habits, one of which is a penchant for standing on their balcony, and screaming the name of anyone who passes, in his baby-speech, as long as he knows them.( You can imagine that he's one of my favourite people.) Unfortunately, one of his other habits annoys my other neighbour, the one below. He throws paper, water, slippers,and even urinates from the balcony, downstairs. And this was the cause of the problem.

Apparently, whenever he performed his aggravating ritual,my 'downstairs' neighbour -not known for her patience- would scream at whoever was the adult around him, or whoever was responsible for him (at that time). My 'upstairs' neighbour, however, had apparently become tired of someone screaming at a child's nuances and decided to reply her, and the whole thing went downhill. From 'I'm tired of you' and 'I'm disappointed in you' , the 'conversation' went to 'You will labour in vain in Jesus name', "your generations will not see peace', 'prostitute', etc. Come On!!! That was one of the ugliest sights I had ever seen in my whole life. And what made it more disheartening was the fact that I could sense the reasons why none of these women, with children, backed down for each other.

When we are angry with other people, most of the time its an image thing. What that means is that we are more bothered about the way people around, or the person we are quarrelling with, perceives us, than how we feel about our reaction. We don't want the person to think we are fools for being silent in the face of insults; or we don't want other people to think we are not bold enough, or proud of ourselves enough, or courageous enough to confront insults. In the end we turn out to be foolish enough to take the bait.It was terrible watching these two women, in the presence of their neighbours and their children, insult each other, their families, and reveal shared secrets about each other. Note that I am not speaking of stark illiterate women. The 'downstairs' neighbour particularly, had something to prove. She carried out her mission of launching invectives up till Sunday! Encouraging her children, who were thoroughly ashamed of her, to do the same. (The oldest of those children is 9 years old!) She needed to show that she would not give up easily. All she showed was that she lacked maturity and self-control, and my heart went to the (kind of) children she was raising.

For me this is a real lesson. If you have a quarrel, and you feel the need to yell and curse at someone,DON'T. In trying to get the last word you actually do yourself a great deal of injustice and harm. The impression you leave other people with is indescribable. And the damage you are doing to each other may be irreparable.

How u dey?

Chili